


Help Me

by liberrystone



Category: jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Blood and Gore, Demonic Possession, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Horror, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-18 04:21:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8148953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liberrystone/pseuds/liberrystone
Summary: 'I keep having these hallucinations every day. I keep seeing this dark shadow of a human form, almost like a man, but with more demonic features. And it genuinely scares me, Isabel. Because I might be possessed, I might have a demon sitting inside me, appearing in my mind all the time, following me everywhere, turning my dreams into pure nightmares...''Jack, what do you see?''It's him... He's standing right behind you...'One tragic incident turns Jack's life upside down and he starts losing his mind, pushing himself away from the people he loves, isolating himself completely. That one incident turns him into a different person and he needs help.Written from Jack's point of view.WARNING: the story contains descriptions violence, gore and possible smut in later chapters





	1. Prologue

_Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock..._ \- that was the only sound my hearing decided to focus itself upon. Every other noise just sounded muffled, too distant, not _important_. I could feel myself sitting on the same black leather sofa. Any move of my body and a louder sound would erupt from beneath me, interrupting the ticking of a clock I was so eagerly focused on, forcing me to break my concentration. And I didn't want that. I didn't want to look at _her_ sitting in front of me.

  That woman always came to the meeting dressed in the same pencil skirt and a blouse, just of a different color each time. Her blonde wavy hair was falling around her fake face. Why fake, you might ask? As soon as my eyes met her, I often noticed her eyebrows- thick but arched, filled in too much as if she was trying to paint two black slugs on her forehead. Then the lips as she spoke, naturally thin, but she wanted them to be more fuller, making herself look like a clown with red lipstick. Those deep green eyes were almost hiding under fake lashes which flapped like two bushes every time she blinked. Her name was Megan. Powerful name, just like her temper. Always wanting to be in power of others, walking around the corridors with her nose raised up high. Why did I decide to be consulted by her? Maybe because of my sanity which I lost a long time ago?

  I already could feel the hairs on my arms standing up and soon followed the heartbeat which steadily became faster. Every time my mind was reminded of that, _he_ would soon appear in all _his_ dark glory, _his_ black eyes boring holes in my face. Surprisingly, nothing happened. As soon as I tore my eyes from the clock, I noticed her staring at me, her mouth now tightly shut in a thin line. What was she waiting for? For me to finally speak up?

  Stupid therapists.

  Why was I so negative? Always finding the worst sides in things. Why did I change so much? I used to be much more positive, happy...

\- That will be all for today, Mr. McLoughlin.- I heard her say out of a sudden. What a fucking disappointment. She just wasted 10 minutes of her life sitting with me in silence.

  Even a therapist couldn't help me. No one could. I was on my own, stuck to deal with my own thoughts and that one creature that kept reappearing. I hated _him_ so much. _He_ was the only reason why I became the person I was. I almost ruined my relationship with my girlfriend just because of _him_. I wouldn't call her a girlfriend now... She's too far away, too busy to call me or leave a text message. I could care less honestly.

  I am a walking ball of negativity.

  But I wasn't like this all the time. A few years ago my life was just right. I was genuinely happy. Had the job of my dreams, so many people that looked up to me, a girlfriend that loved me and cared about me and I thought life would only get better. But... it didn't... It reached that high point to only roll downwards and just crash at the end, leaving me broken, shattering me into pieces.

  I had to force my muscles to move my body, otherwise I'd still sit on that sofa and still stare back at her. I know I made her feel uncomfortable, my eyes dead, looking at her as if she wasn't there in the first place.

\- Thank you.- I squeezed those two simple words that meant nothing to me. I definitely wasn't thankful but I didn't want to reveal my true thoughts to anyone. I would hurt people, make them push me away. That happened too often in the past few years. People constantly pushing me away, avoiding me and I understood why.

  I was a person living in a monster's shadow. And it was _his_ fault.

  You think I'd mention _his_ name now? What's the point? _He_ shouldn't even have a name, because _he's_ nothing- only my imagination, a demon, a black shadow.

_He's not a person, he's not my friend..._

  I used to repeat those words too often once _he_ appeared in my dreams. But I finally learned to live with _him_ , ignore _his_ tries to make my life a misery. At times I broke down, cried myself to sleep; yet, _he_ never really left me. _He's_ always in my head, unseen by anyone else, _he's_ a part of me.

  I walked out of that room feeling much calmer than ever. Maybe because that was the last time I'd see her face? There was no point in returning to her office, we'd talk about the same old bullshit and I'd continue lying to her face. Even if I did tell her about the whole 'demon in my head' thing, I knew she'd consider me insane, a psychopath. Probably make jokes to her coworkers about me, laugh from me and my pain. I wanted none of it and slowly grew sick of her 'fakeness'.

  I could continue rambling about my current state, trying to make you feel sorry for me. But you probably want to know how I ended up where I am right now. It all happened too fast. One minute I was driving home, the other- I was lying in a hospital. 


	2. Welcome to my world, Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One beautiful evening turns into hell for Jack and he decides to return home alone

   I could tell she was nervous as we both walked through a corridor to the main lounge. She was dressed in a long creamy chiffon dress that flowed carelessly along her slim legs, her blonde locks pinned in a loose bun. She looked beautiful. I had to go all fancy for that day and wear a suit, which I was definitely not used to, because I barely remembered the last time I had worn one. I knew there were a lot of rich people gathered in that room, chit-chatting with each other about how expensive of a portrait they've bought and probably how much they hate kids; ready to silently judge me by the way I looked and acted. Or maybe that was just my anxiety speaking, my mind going overdrive and making things up, when in reality everything seemed... normal.

   I slipped my hand around her waist, trying to calm her nerves down at least a little bit; when truly it was me who needed to be calmed down the most. She looked up at me and a smile crept up onto her plump lips, even though her eyes were round from fear. She wasn't used to it just like me, but was forced to attend this event anyways, just because her parents demanded her to. She could've easily resisted, made up some excuses as she often did with her parents, but this time seemed too important to miss, because her whole family was there, all her relatives and friends gathered in one room for... something. Just a dinner? I wouldn't call it a dinner. It was too over-the-top to be called simply a dinner. Family reunion sounded more suitable for this occasion, even though family reunions at my house were much more casual than this. But she came from quite a rich background, lived in a big house until she moved to another, smaller place and fell in love with it right away, which made me feel relieved, because I hated living in big, spacey houses. They didn't feel cozy at all and brought a strange creep factor to them, because of all the echoes and strange noises I could hear when I was staying at her parent's house.

   Her father was a businessman- a head of his own company; so a successful and strong man if he managed to keep himself and his family wealthy while generating his own business. Her mother; on the other hand, was a teacher- an English language teacher to be exact. My girlfriend always told me how much her mother loved to read books, she even had hew own big library stuffed with literature. And until this day I was still surprised why she chose me out of all the men, what was so special about me that attracted her so much? My lively and goofy personality? How often I made a fool out of myself? I was short, lean, with a green fringe on top of my head and I definitely didn't have that 'Hollywood' smile that everyone else around me wore on their faces. She kept repeating how handsome I looked once I got all suited up and groomed, but I doubted it was genuine. All the other men my age looked like princes from Disney movies. Their postures straight and presentable, shiny white smiles, sparkly eyes, beautiful hair and tall silhouettes. Next to them, I felt like a midget, a child and that fact made me more self conscious about myself. I know I might sound too negative right now, comparing myself to others, but that's just how I am sometimes, too insecure about myself and overthinking about everything too much. I wouldn't bother about it all right now if it wasn't for her parents that were awaiting behind that one door. That was my time to leave a first impression, either good or bad... Mostly bad in my case, because again, I was a clumsy fuck. But I never actually met her parents, never talked to them, never saw them face to face, only in the photos that were framed in her apartment.

   I had to take a few good breaths before stepping out into the lounge. The doors were opened for us by two men standing on each side and I felt her hand as it found mine, squeezing it reassuringly. Everyone's eyes turned at us, the talks died down a little in the room and I already could feel the embarrassment slowly rising up onto my cheeks, burning on my skin. I just had to stay calm, be as charming as I possibly could and not say something stupid as I always did when I was alone with her.

  _Top of the morning to ya laddies!!! Oh joyful day!_ Why was my mind like this?

\- Isabelle!- A low voice spoke up out of nowhere and my eyes jumped from one point before me to search for its source. It took me a split second to notice a tall silhouette of a man, dressed in a grey suit. His dark hair was slicked back in an elegant wave, a few day scruff danced on his strong jaw. Straight nose, plump lips, dark sparkly eyes- you could say he was an example of a perfect middle-aged man. In one hand he held a glass of red wine, a gold ring shining on his finger- clearly married. I had to move my eyes to the left to land on a short woman standing next to him. She had her blonde hair pinned upwards, her green eyes were squinted slightly as she smiled widely looking at both of us. She seemed like a kind person. Her warm features definitely resembled Isabel's: same round rich green eyes, small nose, plump lips and defined cheekbones. They both looked stunning.

\- Dad!- Isabelle's voice rung in my ears and soon we were standing right in front of them. I could already feel my heart trying to escape my chest, sweat slowly started gathering on my palms and I had to wipe them away on my pants imperceptibly just to not disgust other people. And being a male at such gatherings meant a lot of handshakes with strangers. The dark eyes of a man caught mine in a longer gaze and I immediately noticed the change in his expression. Even though his eyes were still as lively as ever, the corners of his lips dropped an inch as soon as he looked up at me. I could already tell that he didn't like me, didn't like the whole idea of me dating his daughter. And I kinda understood why. I didn't meet his expectations and as a father, he had to be judgmental of who his daughter was dating. But his opinion meant almost nothing, because he didn't have the right to tell Isabelle what to do, even though both of her parents were quite influential.- Meet my friend, Jack.- Isabelle quickly added and both of their eyes landed on me. I extended my hand towards the man in front of me and felt his wide palm grab mine in a strong grip to shake it. If I was left alone with him and made him at least a bit furious, he would easily choke me to death with those hands. Again, why was my mind like this? I had to clear it and drink something stronger. As soon as I walked into that room, I noticed a lot of stewardesses walking around with trays of champagne and wine glasses. Isabelle would probably kill me afterwards because I was driving my car that evening.

\- Robert.- He spoke up, interrupting my thoughts. I forced a smile onto my lips, trying to look as kind as possible, even though both of us probably knew it was all for the show. Fakeness, it drained your energy so quickly, you wanted to return home and lie in bed for ages. 

\- Nice to meet you.- I finally said and turned my gaze onto the woman. She introduced herself as Catherine and gave me a faint kiss on the cheek, smiling kindly up at me. I knew I wouldn't be able to get away from the conversation with them. I hated them, the small talks with strangers. Isabelle would say her parents were my family now, but I doubted that bond would last long. Not because they were the main factor that would determine the relationship between me and Isabelle, I could feel the negativity radiating off of her father all that time while I was standing in front of him, as if he didn't want me to be there around her, judging me silently with his dark eyes. And as parents, they had a slight power over us as a couple- they could easily destroy our relationship. Yet, he said nothing that would humiliate me or make things awkward and just continued talking about how wonderful the evening was and which guests had arrived. Not a single person I knew. No one who'd I feel comfortable around besides Isabelle.

   I had to present myself to so many faces, all of them forcing smiles out towards me as if it was their every day job and soon they got tired of it all. Just being their usual fakes, hiding the fact how much they hated that evening, gossiping behind each other's backs. I chatted with some of them here and there, mostly about my career and how I met my girlfriend. I didn't want to reveal about myself too much. They looked excited about both of us for some reason and I secretly appreciated it, even though I knew all of it wasn't genuine. The more I was forced to talk, the more I started getting used to the formal atmosphere in the lounge. However, I still had the same urge for something strong. Something that would help me loosen up and not care so much.

   I whispered a quick 'I'll be right back' into Isabelle's ear and passed a group of unfamiliar faces, disappearing in the kitchen. Luckily it was empty, no one even thought about lurking around in it besides me, so I closed the door behind me, sighing from relief. I loosened the tie around my neck, because it was literally choking me and took off the blazer, unbuttoning the sleeves to roll them up to my elbows. Why was I so anxious? I still could feel my heart beating fast in my chest as it did all the time spent behind that door. I thought I was used to the big crowds, meeting new people. That was one of the main elements of being a youtube creator, going out to conventions to meet people that watched my videos, presenting myself on the panels; even the most simple things like recording videos and sharing my opinion in them. Still, this one evening made me shake like a leaf and stress over the slightest things. Maybe because I felt like I didn't belong there, like I was an outsider who was quietly being judged by the people of high class? Or maybe it was all in my head, just my anxiety making up false scenarios?

   I decided not to strain my brain too much and wash away all the thoughts with strong alcohol; however, when I searched through all the cupboards and checked the fridge twice, I found nothing but a bottle of whiskey. I shrugged to myself and grabbed a bigger glass, filling it up with the liquid almost to the brim.

_One glass down. Five more to go._    

   I already could feel the warmth spearing through my insides as I gulped down another glass of whiskey. My tolerance for alcohol wasn't low, I could easily take a few shots of vodka and not feel tipsy, but that is because I had a habit of having large snacks between shots. But this time was different, because I was drinking with empty stomach, still feeling slight nervousness from being around the strangers. My head was already spinning and I had to slump down on a chair, almost tripping on my own legs.

\- Another shot, Mr. McLoughlin? Why yes, sir, please.- I mumbled to myself and laughed like an idiot, filling up another glass to slush it all down with three big gulps. What was I doing to myself? That was my first mistake that night- getting drunk behind everyone's backs. At that moment I didn't care what my girlfriend would think once she sees me, what her parents would think. The need was so strong, I didn't think twice before grabbing that bottle. I didn't think about all the consequences that came afterwards. I was such a big fool as I still am now.

   I was almost lying on the table after fifth glass, muttering more non-sense under my nose when I felt something cold slip down my arm, which made the hairs stand up immediately, forcing a shiver to run down my spine. I furrowed my eyebrows slightly and looked around the kitchen. There were no opened windows nor anything else that would emit cold breezes. 

_Strange..._  

   And out of nowhere I heard a loud buzz of the light bulbs sitting safely in the ceiling. I raised my eyes, looking up at them dumbfounded, almost blinding myself due to all the brightness. Some of the lights flickered once quickly, twice and with the third time all of them went out completely, leaving me to sit in the dark. I stopped my breathing for a second. It was probably just a power shortage, even though I had a strange feeling about it all, my heart skipping a faster beat again. Soon the lights turned back on and when my gaze moved downwards in a moment of relief, it landed on a dark silhouette standing on the other end of the room. A sharp pang of shock stroke through my spine, shaking my whole body as I got jumpscared by it. My jaw dropped from amazement and I had to let go of the glass I was holding, putting it back down on the table with a trembling hand; otherwise I would've spilled the drink onto myself. How the fuck did it happen? How did he appear out of nowhere, without any sounds of opening doors? I assumed he was a male from his short hair and a slight stubble that danced on his jaw. And then I recognized him.

\- Mark?- I slurred out, not entirely satisfied with what was happening. My drunk mind could have been making things up, forcing me to think that there was someone in the room when in reality I was sitting all alone. But he was there, all real. I could easily talk to him, even touch him if I wanted.

   The silhouette moved from its place, getting closer and soon I noticed something unusual about him. He had the same features as Mark: short dark brown hair, straight nose with broader nostrils, slightly plump lips and a few-day scruff decorating his strong jaw. The only thing that bothered me were his eyes. He didn't have any. The more he got closer to me, the more I noticed all the details about them. As if someone took a spoon and gauged his eyeballs out, leaving two black holes to sit in his face. But they didn't look like the usual empty eye sockets you'd see a person have after a traumatic incident. The darkness filling them up was too rich, radiating beyond, like an aura surrounding his eyes. He was horrifying, his eyebrows arched inwards at a sharp angle, making him look angry all the time. And when a smile touched his lips, he revealed a row of sharp teeth. He could easily rip someone's skin to shreds with those teeth, bite off a leg with one quick snap of a jaw. He looked more like a monster rather than a human being.

   I swallowed thickly, still feeling the effects of the alcohol, but they weren't so overwhelming anymore. The adrenaline was forcing my heart to pump my blood faster and I was scared I would faint right before him, trying to even out my breath, because I started losing it, so close to panic, trapped in a state of fight or flight. If only someone walked into the room, made me believe that what I saw was not real, that it was only my mind playing tricks on me. Yet, nobody entered through that door and I was left alone to face that  _creature_.

\- Mark?- He suddenly spoke, his voice so low it vibrated through me, sending unpleasant shivers down my spine. Soon afterwards followed his laugh filled with mockery, so loud and rich I had to squint my eyes from it.- Darling, you're so mistaken, because I'm not your friend.- He inched closer towards me, a smile never leaving his lips. So he knew who Mark was, knew who I was.

   I had to get up from that chair, my legs quivering as step by step I moved backwards, scared to suddenly get attacked by him. His eyes looked so menacing, I wanted to rip my gaze from them, but couldn't due to the strange feeling that kept my eyes fixed on his. I could've walked backwards for ages if not the line of kitchen cupboards that left me pinned under his heavy stare. And he was so close I could feel his cold breath hitting my face with his every exhale. I swallowed with great effort and my throat went completely dry, increasing my heart rate immediately. I gasped out of nowhere when his cold palm went for my jaw, his sharp nails sinking painfully into my skin. The grip tightened to the point where I almost screamed out of sheer pain and I was sure he'd easily break my bone if he put a little bit more of his force into it.

\- Who are you?- I whispered under my breath and closed my eyes when his nails sunk deeper into my skin, making it throb painfully. I already could feel the warmth of it. A single drop of blood that rolled down my jaw, dropping on the white collar of my shirt. I wanted to protest, smack his hand off my face and push him away to run for my life but I knew he'd follow me, never leave my side. Because something told me that he was a part of my imagination, someone who others couldn't see or feel. That thought brought another wave of cold shivers that disappeared down my thighs. All of it was abnormal, strange, unusual and just plain creepy. I never believed in things like these- the supernatural. Ghosts, demons, weird creatures lurking in the dark corners. They all were just legends to me, made up stories. But now I was proven wrong and he made me believe. Because he definitely wasn't human, even though he had the embodiment of a human. He was  _different_.

\- You'll have to figure that out yourself, Jack...- His deep voice talked right to my ear, making me squirm uncomfortably as his cold breath landed on my neck with his every word, tickling my sensitive skin. Before I could open my mouth and mutter a word, he was gone, leaving me breathless and all tense, tightly pressed up against the cupboard.

   I let out a steadier breath, still feeling my heart as it tried to jump out through my throat. I was scared to walk back into the lounge, show my drunk self to all the strangers. Isabelle would notice that small drop of blood on my collar, the claw marks on my jaw and probably get all worried. Then she'd smell the alcohol on my breath and would force me to explain. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to argue, I wanted nothing but to return home and sink into my bed. Sleep through the night to forget today ever happened. But memories will stay memories, they'll keep coming back to haunt you at the most random moments. I wish I lived in the  _Men in Black_  universe, where I could just erase a chunk of my memories and live on happily.

   I forced my muscles to move and walked towards the table to grab the bottle. I looked at it for a longer moment, reading out the words written on its label. Then, without any hesitations, I took a few more gulps from it, feeling its coldness run down my esophagus until it reached my stomach to fill it with warmth.

_Nothing like a good old bottle of whiskey to calm your nerves down._

   I smiled to myself at that thought. I was about to ruin the evening, walk into that room swaying like an idiot and probably fall into some woman, accidentally spilling the drink onto her expensive dress. I needed some fresh air, something that would distract my mind.

   I threw the blazer back on and let the tie hang around my neck, too lazy to try and tie it back up. I was terrible at it, always ended up with the weirdest knots possible. Isabelle, on the other hand, tied it up beautifully, clearly because of her dad. Maybe the blazer would hide away that one small dot of blood. Too bad the kitchen didn't have any mirrors nor something that would help me see myself. I was entirely sure that my face was decorated with bloody claw marks. How would I explain myself? A silly accident? I poked my jaw with a fork because I was too blind out of a sudden?

\- Deep breaths, Jack.- I whispered to myself and stopped before the door, opening it slowly. The talks became louder and a bright light once again hit my face, revealing a wide room filled with people. My eyes jumped from person to person before I landed on her. She was happy as ever, a wide smile dancing on her lips as she was chatting away to another person that I didn't recognize. I needed her company, her soothing words that would calm me down immediately. Just me and her- no one else. I headed towards her right away, but got distracted by someone or rather _something_  that appeared at the corner of my eye. It was him, a meter away from me, walking at the same pace as I was. But he wasn't simply walking, he was flowing straight through people like a ghost, his body reforming itself for a longer second before once again he was hit by another person. I was shocked to see it and what made it even more horrifying were his eyes which all that time were fixed on me with a small smile glued on his lips. He was testing me, playing with me and my fears. I already hated him and his presence and wanted him gone. So I decided to try and not pay attention, simply ignore him.

   My eyes went back onto Isabelle and I slowed down to stop before her.

\- Isabelle?- I called out, forcing her to excuse the person she was talking to and as soon as her rich green eyes landed on me, the smile disappeared from her face immediately. She didn't look pleased. At all.- Can we talk? Alone?- I added and without any words watched her move forwards through the crowd. Luckily, I didn't stumble over any of the people and made it out safe onto the balcony, closing the sliding door behind me. I inched towards her standing next to the balustrade and wanted to wrap an arm around her, but she moved to the side quickly, her eyes filled with anger darting back at me. She looked pissed and I slowly started regretting my decision of getting drunk.

\- It's only one night, Jack. One night to present yourself before my family and you decide to get drunk like some idiot?!- With every word her voice kept rising an octave and by the end she was almost screaming right to my face. I felt ashamed. Not of her or anything that had to do with the gathering, but because of myself. And yes, I agreed with her. I was an idiot. A total retard. And at that moment I just laughed in my mind while I stood there with a straight face. I should've apologized, explained myself somehow, told her not to worry. But the dumb fuck that I am, I decided to intrude her personal space and kiss her against her own will, sliding my fingers into her soft hair, pinning her to the balustrade. I instantaneously received a hard slap on my cheek and felt her push me away from her. Soon after followed her heels as she walked back into the house.

_What a wonderful evening._

   I made her angry, I made her hate me.

   I wiped her lipstick off my lips. I was almost entirely sure that was the last time I'd ever kiss her. We never experienced it in our relationship, such an intense moment that resulted in her leaving me without any additional words. We would always figure things out, tell each other how sorry we were. For some reason I didn't feel any need to apologize, run after her and beg her for forgiveness. I still had the keys of my car sitting safely in my pocket. That was the last choice- drive home without her. Another stupid mistake of mine that evening. Drunk and driving at midnight. What could possibly go wrong?

   Well, pretty much everything went wrong.

   All the faces were still swaying before my eyes as I walked through the crowd to the other side of the room, towards the exit. It was already dark outside, a few people were lurking in the parking lot, chatting with each other and laughing loudly. I found my black Mercedes standing at the far end, in the corner of the parking lot and got in, fumbling with the key, trying to put it into the ignition. I gave up at the last second and smacked my head on the steering wheel.

\- Why am I even trying?- I spoke up loudly and switched on the light in the salon to let me see better. I should've done it in the first place and started the car right away, but my drunk mind was as dumb as a five-year-old. Even a five-year-old would've figured it all out faster than me.

   I turned on the radio on full volume, letting some old rock ballad blast through the speakers. A few of the people probably heard the music as I was driving out of the parking lot. Their heads turned towards me right away, the anger painting their faces made them look like that creature I saw in the kitchen. I almost braked when I felt my heart skip a beat, but instead just licked my lips nervously and sped up, reaching the main road.

   I was scared that he wouldn't stop following me, showing up at the most random moments to take my breath away and force to make a fool out of myself under all the stress. He told me to figure out who he was, but I barely knew what he wanted from me; why he chose me out of all the people... More and more unanswered questions started piling up in my mind and soon they were all driving me nuts. Instead of trying to rip the hairs out of my head, I decided to focus on the music and the road ahead of me.

   After a few longer moments of driving, I had to slow down when I turned off the highway and onto a narrower road, heading towards the forest. I always chose to drive through the outskirts of the city, away from all the traffic, returning home much faster this way. I had to keep it all steady though and drive a lot slower because the road was much more narrow, winding through the forest like a snake. It was located on a mountain, pretty steep to go through, but no one cared about the safety, not even the drunk me. And it wouldn't have been as bad, if not the fact that I was driving near the edge. Any sudden move to the right and I'd fly down through all the pine trees, probably crash into one at the end. Every driver that moved past me was pretty much a dick with their far headlights on, appearing out of nowhere from behind the turns to blind me; passing by so close I was scared they'd crash into me right away. I had to breathe out through my mouth to try and calm down my furiously beating heart.

\- Everything's going to be alright.- I whispered to myself and noticed how tense I was, gripping the wheel so hard, the knuckles of my hands turned white. I forced my fingers to loosen up and reached for the radio to lower the volume. That's when I made the worst mistake of probably my entire life. I looked away from the road for one second and I already could hear a loud honk of a truck. My eyes quickly jumped back up, widening from terror as I saw two bright headlights right in front of me getting bigger and bigger, about to crash into me. A quick burst of adrenaline made my heart pump the blood faster and another loud signal blasted through the area. I instinctively grabbed the steering wheel tighter and turned the car to the right, hoping to stop myself halfway down the slope. I knew in that one moment that the truck would crash into me anyways, it was moving too fast and was too close. A strong hit to the side jolted me sharply, leaving me breathless as the safety belt cut into my abdomen, keeping me in place. I tried to brake, but it was too late. The car went flying off the road and down the mountain. A loud scream ripped through my tightened throat, as I was passing tall pine trees at a fast speed. I was sure that soon I'd get stopped by one of them, but I never would've thought that everything would end up in such a drastic way.

   Next to a stream, at the bottom of a mountain stood a tall old tree trunk, reaching the ground with its threatening branches. I really hoped to swiftly bypass it, but the car had lost its control a long time ago, going directly at it. I clenched the steering wheel, all in panic, trying to catch my rugged breath and I froze in the last moment when I noticed him standing there in the darkness, his black eyes darting right at me. One second his lips were widening to show a row of his sharp teeth, the blood running down his chin, the other he was no longer there and all I saw was a sharp branch sticking out towards my direction, ready to pierce the window of my car at any moment. I squeezed my eyelids shut, my whole body jerked forwards when the car hit the tree and then came the sharp, agonizing pain.

\- Welcome to my world, Jack.- I heard his low voice whisper and I gave out in my seat, loud car signal still ringing in my mind.  


	3. Lost Memories

   Do you know that sound you hear, when a hospital patient strapped to a heart monitor dies? That endless  _beep_  sound that sometimes out of nowhere starts ringing in your ears? That was the only thing I could hear. As if someone took two heart monitors showing that one thin line and put them on each side of my head to slowly drive me insane. But it wasn't as loud and prominent as you would hear it if you were in a hospital; it was barely audible; yet, my ears were so strained, they managed to muffle out any other sounds, leaving me to drown in almost complete silence.

   I knew I wasn't dead, I still could feel all the pain. The excruciating, muscle ripping pain that made you want to scream. And, oh boy, how I wanted to scream, hurt my throat from it, call for help, but... I simply couldn't.

   Why, you might ask?

   Because all that time I was knocked out. As if my conscious mind was trapped in a dead body. Or rather a paralyzed one. I could feel everything with my every nerve: the vibrations coming off the chainsaw as they cut down the branch that was buried deep in my abdomen; I could feel as they moved my limp body from the mangled car, lying me down on the ambulance stretcher. You can't imagine how painful it was. Every smallest little move caused teeth gritting pain. And it wouldn't go away, the pain kept getting bigger and stronger, overwhelming my whole being, stabbing at my every deepest wound and every little scratch so hard, I wanted to cry; making me more and more impatient, because I simply couldn't take such slow torture.

   I was pretty sure I would've lost my mind there and then, but something sharp suddenly pierced the inner side of my elbow, letting something warm flow into my blood as it spread through my body, starting from my left forearm, moving upwards to my shoulder, engulfing my chest and the rest of my limbs. Soon the pain was gone and I felt so relieved and light, like I was lying on a pile of fluffy white pillows. But with one part of my subconsciousness I knew I was driven to a hospital, monitored closely by the medics. I wasn't sure how long it took them to drive me there, all that time I was trapped in a state between reality and dream, flowing through endless abyss of nothingness. Most of the time I was completely unconscious. Yet, from time to time, weird dreams would visit me, tricking me into thinking that they were a reality.

   Everything was dark, cold and damp. I didn't know whether I was in a room or in some other really dark place. I knew all of it wasn't real, even though it felt too real. I remember walking straight endlessly, trying to find at least one source of light, but nothing caught my attention. Cold goosebumps kept running along my naked arms, making the hairs stand on one command as I shivered, because for some odd reason I was dressed only in a simple t-shirt and jeans. I looked around, my eyes barely catching anything that danced in pitch black darkness. I was amazed how I didn't stumble upon anything in there, wandering in the dark like a lost sheep. Then I stopped in my tracks with a breath caught in my lungs as soon as I felt something warm flow down my back. I exhaled steadily, already feeling my heart hammering in my chest.

_Wake up, Jack..._

   A quiet whisper touched my ear and a shudder ran through my body, making me jolt from shock. I was about to turn around, to face that something that was behind me, when a bright light fell on top of my head out of nowhere, blinding me from its intensity. I looked up and noticed a single lamp hanging above my head, swaying slightly under a colder breeze. It flickered three times, just like in that kitchen as I remembered and my eyes jumped lower, to suddenly face a man standing next to me. I had to exhale slowly, all startled, feeling a cold wave of shock as it flew down my sides. To my biggest surprise, the man looked just like me and for a moment there I thought I was standing next to a big mirror, looking at my own reflection. 

_Wake up, Jack..._

   The reflection of mine whispered again, startling me to the very bone and then I realized that it was an actual replica of me, all alive, staring bluntly back at me, his expressionless face drowning in the shadows of a dark room.

 _Wake up_ , another, louder whisper came from a different direction and I turned around to see another replica of myself standing behind me, the same blank expression dancing on his face.

 _Wake up, Jack_  joined another deep voice from my right side, all of them unevenly whispering the same _Wake up, Jack_ again and again, slowly growing with loudness, more and more voices adding up to the choir of one big chaos. I kept turning around to see more and more clones of myself standing before me with deadpan expressions wearing their faces, constantly repeating the same words of  _Wake up, Jack_.

\- No.- I whispered back, trying to keep my sanity in place, but the voices kept growing on me, getting louder with my every ragged breath.- No!- I screamed this time, trying to over-shout all of the murmuring.- Stop, please, no!- I could feel my voice shaking, just like my whole body was.- No, stop, no, please!- As much as I ripped my throat with yelling, nobody could hear me, because nobody was there in the first place. It was just me, locked up somewhere in the darkness surrounded by hundreds of copies of my biggest enemy- myself; all of them continuously repeating the same words:  _Wake up, wake up, Jack, wake up, Jack..._ ; their voices coming from different directions, almost melting into one loud humming.

   I fell onto my knees with the last shout of  _please help me_ , my voice breaking with the last word, as I was gripping my ears with trembling hands, not able to cope mentally with this madness. I was about to lose my mind, breathing loudly, clutching my ears for dear life so tightly I felt the pain pulsate, my nails sinking into the soft skin behind my earlobes. The torture felt like eternity, the voices drove me insane to the point where I wanted to rip my ears out. I ended up lying on the ground, all curled up, squeezing now bleeding ears, crying because I couldn't take such pressure.

   And then suddenly, as if with one snap of the fingers, everything stopped- all of the loudness just simply disappeared, leaving me in complete silence. I could feel my own heart hammering in my heaving chest, body all tensed up and still trembling. I loosened the grip on my ears, revealing now injured neck, all covered in bleeding wounds from how hard I scraped the skin with my fingernails. I exhaled slowly, trying to calm myself down and get up, but my attempts got interrupted by something unexpected. The light that was dancing above me went out completely, leaving me to lie in the darkness for some time. All I could hear was my own shaky breathing, my heart now beating high in my throat. I moved my trembling hands on the floor, about to get up, when something cold tightly wrapped itself around my neck, squeezing it so hard, I lost my breath once again. I got lifted up from the ground, hovering above it like some puppet. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to inhale under all the panic, when it was almost impossible. The light above me flickered once, twice and with the last one I opened my eyes to notice him in front of me. My stomach dropped right away, because I knew what was about to happen, what he was capable of. It seemed that his power was limitless, and as a demon, he could do some crazy, unimaginable shit. 

   All the clones of me were still standing in a circle, surrounding me from each side, looking up at me with their dead eyes. The deadpan faces that were glued on them a moment ago, turned into terrifying grins. And the creepiest part of it all was that I recognized myself in them. I was literally looking at the horrifying copies of myself.

   I focused my gaze back onto the man in front of me. It was hard to call him a man, since he was nothing, but a shadow. His eyes were as dark as ever, surrounded by rich black aura. He smiled widely, revealing his shark-like teeth covered in black blood that slowly started dripping down his chin. He looked menacing, making my heart race from fear of what he could do to me.

\- Let me go...- I breathed out, continuously trying to fill my lungs with air. I felt the grip around my throat loosen, but only slightly, still keeping me in place.

\- Now, why should I do that?- The same deep, rich voice spoke out, the echoes of it fading into the distance, vibrating through my whole being.- When I have such a great opportunity to torture you.- He spit the words out and got closer, lowering my body to his eye level, squeezing my throat tighter once again. I gulped, closing my eyes as I kept fighting for needed air.- Look at me!- A loud bestial growl erupted from his lips and I opened my eyes instinctively under the shock that stroke me suddenly.- Do you even know who I am?- A sudden question left his lips, his voice sounded much calmer than before, stroking my ears with slight vibrations.

\- I... I don't know...- I choked, grabbing onto my neck, trying to rip off whatever been squeezing it, but I felt nothing and it surprised me the most. What the fuck was choking me?! Did he have some sort of telekinetic powers? 

\- I am your biggest nightmare, Jack... You might be wondering why I look like your dumb ass friend all the time. That's because he's the closest person you know and I want to ruin that friendship you have built with him. Ruin your whole life. I can shape shift, turn into any person, animal, thing you want...- His body glitched and soon turned into another copy of myself. He grinned all satisfied with himself, revealing that same row of sharp teeth, making me look like a horrific creature rather than a normal human being.- I know all your secrets, all your fears and weaknesses. I know everything about you...- He whispered and pushed me closer towards him, forcing me to look straight into his eyes. I gasped, trying not to choke on my own saliva, so close panic, dangling my legs in the air nervously as I was sure I could easily faint if he squeezed that invisible hand around my throat a little tighter.- I can easily feed off your fears, torture you until you can't take it anymore and overpower you when you're in your weakest state. And you know what's the most interesting part? You can feel everything I do to your body. Every pierce, every cut and scratch... You will feel it. And... Since you're so hurt already in real life, why won't we make the pain even more unbearable?- He hissed the words out and I felt something tug at the hem of my shirt, crawling under it with a cold touch, to stop at the same place where I got injured in a car accident, pressing onto it like a normal person would press their finger into your stomach, only with a sharper end. I winced from this uncomfortable feeling, praying to all the possible gods that he wouldn't actually stab me with his force.- Time to wake up, Jack.- He growled and something sharp cut through my skin, piercing my abdomen to leave a hole in my muscle, causing the same excruciating pain I felt before.

  The scream ripped through my throat, immediately waking me up. My whole body jerked and it took me a split second to realize that I couldn't breathe. Something of a tube form was set deep in my trachea, not allowing me to swallow properly. My gagging reflex kicked in right away and I started choking under the panic, trying to push it out of my mouth, but I knew I couldn't otherwise I'd hurt myself.

  The same pain was still throbbing on my side, reminding me of him and his intentions. I already could feel all the fear crawling up my back, twisting my stomach to the point where I became even more sick. I knew he would continue showing up and not only in my dreams, following me everywhere, hurting me in the most unimaginable ways to squeeze every drop of fear out of me. Until I would get all weak and vulnerable- a perfect bate for him to take over. 

  I felt the tears run down my cheeks, falling onto the pillow. My mouth started gradually filling up with the saliva which I couldn't swallow, otherwise I'd choke myself to death. With the corner of my eye I noticed a girl disappear behind the door. I wanted to call for her, ask her to help me, but my vision started getting all blurry, pulsating along with my fast heart beat.

 _Enjoying yourself so far?_  a voice tickled my ear and I closed my eyes, trying to calm my panicking-self, feeling the tube as it uncomfortably pushed at the walls of my trachea, pumping the air into my lungs. I had to try and follow its rhythm with my own breaths, even though it was almost impossible under all the panic.

_I was in the hospital, in the good hands of the doctors. Soon the help will arrive. Soon I will be able to breathe normally again..._

   Those words that I kept repeating to myself helped me to calm down a bit and when I opened my eyes, the girl showed back up, but this time with a woman- a nurse, I assumed. She leaned above me, her blue eyes examining my face intently.

\- Easy there, calm down.- She said with a soft tone and took a small syringe filled with clear liquid.- Try not to swallow, okay?- The woman looked back at me and squeezed the substance into my mouth, making sure to cover every bit of it. I felt its bitterness right away- it was probably peroxide or something of antiseptic form.- I will suction it all out, don't worry.- She soon added and took a thin, slightly bent tube, putting it into my mouth to remove all the liquid.- Are you able to swallow?- She quickly asked and I shook my head for an answer.- Alright.- She sighed and put the thin tube back into its place on the machine. I felt her fingers as they moved towards my face to rip the tape off of my mouth that was keeping the tube in place.- The feeling might be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't hurt much.- The nurse said and leaned above me to switch off the machine that was helping me breathe all that time.- Ready? I'll do it in one quick motion.- She informed me and I nodded, closing my eyes as I tried to prepare myself for the worst. I felt the pain right away as she twisted the tube slightly and pushed it out, leaving my throat with a burning sensation.- Now better.- Her voice forced my eyes back open and I followed her as she walked around my bed to the other side, setting the tube back on the machine.- So, how are you feeling?- She asked casually.

\- Weak.- I croaked and swallowed instinctively. My throat felt like I ate 5 hot chili's in one go, burning unpleasantly.- I need water.- I added and tried to move myself upwards, but the sharp pain in my side forced me to lie back down as I groaned, catching my breaths, still feeling my side throbbing painfully with every movement of my stomach.

\- Don't even try.- The nurse warned me quickly and handed me a cup of water.- You've undergone a serious operation and lost a lot of blood. You need to rest.- She accented the last sentence, looking at me with a slight anger painting her features. I took a sew sips out of the cup, feeling the coldness of water as it flew down my burning throat, soothing it slightly. I swallowed thickly and gave the cup back to the nurse, letting her put it on the table.- I'll have to monitor your breathing and heart rate, make sure there's nothing wrong with it, because all that time you've been knocked out, you couldn't breathe on your own. At all. Your surgeon should visit you soon, explain what happened to you and maybe even show you what's been buried deep in your stomach.- She smiled with the corner of her lips.- You're a strong man, Jack. That's all I'm gonna say, before I leave you two alone.- Her eyes moved towards someone who was sitting next to the window. A small smile once again touched her lips and she turned around to leave the room.- I'll be back later to change your bandages.- The nurse said before closing the door behind her.

   I moved my eyes back at a young woman, who sat on the armchair. Her blonde locks fell around her face with soft waves. She was dressed in a simple black dress that reached her knees, with black tights covering her legs and black suede ankle boots that made a pretty loud sound as she got up slowly and walked towards me. Then I noticed her features. Round green eyes, small nose, defined cheek bones, plump lips. That young woman looked beautiful, but for some odd reason I couldn't recognize who she was.

   I felt her weight as she sat beside me. Her small hand reached towards mine, grazing my skin with a light touch. I wanted to lace my fingers between hers, but I decided not to, scared of her reaction, since she was a stranger. Her eyes moved up at me, a wider smile touched her lips and I noticed a single tear as it ran down her cheek. She rested her other hand on the bed and moved to lean above me. I already could predict what was about to happen, so I instinctively stopped her, sliding my hand up her naked shoulder.

\- I... uh... I'm a little confused.- I admitted, because I was actually confused and lost at the same time. I didn't know who she was, why she was visiting me and most importantly, why she wanted to kiss me. She couldn't have been my girlfriend. If she was, why didn't I remember having one, why didn't recognize her right away? I felt her move away from me right away and saw a slight shock dance on her young features.- Who are you?- I whispered, looking at her, waiting for her to say something that would let me calm down. She licked her lips nervously.

\- You don't remember nor recognize me?- She asked, her voice was much more quiet now.

   I gulped and shook my head, surprised by her question. My throat was still on fire, forcing me to swallow more frequently. I kept trying to remember at least something related to her, but my memory was empty. Did that car accident knocked her out of my head? I must've made her feel uncomfortable with my reaction.

\- I'm sorry, but I don't recognize you. I keep trying to remember something, but... I... I can't...- I explained myself, my voice becoming weaker and weaker with every word I spoke. I swallowed once again, feeling the burning sensation intensify right away.

\- I'm your girlfriend, Jack. My name's Isabelle.- She said as her eyes filled up with tears for another time. She bit on her lower lip, fighting the need to cry- I could clearly see it on her face.- I'm sorry.- She breathed out and shook her head, ripping her eyes from me to look at her own hands.- I was really worried about you. As soon as I returned home, I couldn't find you anywhere and I thought you were angry at me because of what I said to you. I thought you simply left me. But then I received a call... from the police.- Her gaze moved back at me and another tear escaped her eye to roll down her cheek. The urge to wipe those tears away from her face was so big, my hands were literally itching to do it, but I decided not to.- They asked if I knew you, told me they found you in the forest, by a small stream, inside a mangled car. And at that right moment, a thought of you- dead- flashed in my mind and I felt so dumb of what I did. All this time the feeling of pure guilt was tugging at my emotions and I hated myself for it. I still do. If I didn't push you away and left, if I weren't so harsh towards you, it would've never happened. You would've never gotten hurt and you would still remember me...- Her voice broke as more tears started running down her face as she wiped them away carelessly.

   I felt truly sorry for her, for all the worry she'd gone through and I could feel her pain as she looked back at me, still fighting the urge to break and sob uncontrollably.

\- I wish I remembered you, Isabelle...- I hesitated slightly, before saying her name out loud.- I wish I remembered it all, but... I can't...  


	4. Marked

\- I... I don't know what to say...- She spoke through the tears, clenching her jaw- so close to bursting out and sobbing her heart out: her eyebrows furrowed, lower lip quivering. She slowly breathed in, trying to stay as calm as possible, even though I clearly could see that such a task was difficult for her.   
I knew she felt guilty, ashamed of herself and her actions, but it wasn't her fault. It wasn't her who took a bottle of whiskey and slushed it all down my throat, it wasn't her who forced me to get into a car and choose a more dangerous route. Those were my own decisions of my own dumb and drunk mind. I rarely ever drank alcohol and if I did, they were small shots, usually of something less strong. I didn't like drinking, losing control over my mind to end up in the most ridiculous situations. I still couldn't understand why I chose to drink that night, why I decided to drive while drunk. I could've kept beating myself up for it all, cursing at myself and how reckless I was, but instead I decided to talk to her, extract as much of information from her as possible. Otherwise we would've sat in silence, feeling the awkwardness slowly crawl up our backs.  
\- It's alright... I'm sure the memories will return soon enough.- I tried to calm her down a bit and moved my hand to find hers.- And if they won't... I guess we'll start all over again.- I smiled weakly, not fond of that thought. I felt her fingers as they tickled my skin, her touch soft and warm. I didn't want to start over, I didn't want to forget the first time I ever laid my eyes on her, the first time I ever talked to her, went on a date with her, kissed her and made love to her. Every small moment spent beside her. I didn't want to forget these things just to relive them all over again. And not only because of myself, but because of her as well. She still remembered it all and I was pretty sure reliving all of it would've been strange for her. It was strange for her right now, knowing that I couldn't remember who she was. I was well aware that she wanted to be closer to me, lean in and plant a kiss on my lips, but I was scared to disappoint her with my own reaction, even though I knew perfectly that she still loved me.- I don't want to lose all the memories we shared together, I don't want to lose you... because of this.- I stopped for a moment as soon as I felt my throat tighten. I was slowly getting emotional too, blinking away all the tears. Crying in front of her was the last thing I wanted to do.- Please... promise me you won't leave my side, no matter what happens. I feel like without you- I have no one. No one who cares about me as much as you do.- My voice broke with the last word as my vision became all blurry from tears. I felt her fingers as they squeezed my hand tighter reassuringly. I needed it- someone's support. Someone to tell me that things will get better, that I'll be able to fight through all the pain and go back to my normal-self.   
Why did I believe so naively in it? Why was I throwing all my problems at someone else, trusting them blindly? I should've stood up for myself, told myself and myself only that things will turn out well, instead of trying to find someone who could calm me down with words that almost meant nothing to them.  
I guess I was in the weakest state at that moment. Lost like a child in a mall, crying for a close person to come and save me from the evil.  
The evil. It always comes back to it. To him...  
He was near, I could tell. Listening closely to my every word, memorizing my every thought to strike me back out of nowhere. I was scared of it the most. To see him come back to life, up close and personal.   
What if he stood right next to my bed while I talked to my girlfriend, staring at me with his empty eye sockets? What if he hovered above the nurse while she'd change my bandages, smiling creepily, slowly driving my heart to palpitations? What if he appeared in a surgeon's body and stroke the same branch right back into my wound, forcing me to make a fool out of myself in front of everyone?  
I wanted those thoughts out of my head. I needed a distraction, but I barely could do anything in that situation. Focusing on her voice was the last plan I had. It always managed to calm me down. But this time, for some reason, it didn't help. It only started slowly irritating me. To the point where I wanted to leave the room. The urge was so great, I had to close my eyes and try to focus on my own breathing, otherwise I'd lose my patience and lash out back at her. She didn't need it, not in a moment like this, where our relationship was hanging on a thin thread.  
\- I'm just glad you're okay now...- She whispered quietly and forced a smile out onto her face. I could clearly see that it was fake and honestly, it would have been better if she told me how she actually felt. How much she hated me and my reckless actions. How much she wanted to rewind time and change a chain of unfortunate events.  
I felt her lean in above me to plant an innocent kiss on my forehead. Another gesture to prove herself that she actually cared, when maybe deep inside she was boiling from anger. I've known her for so long. I've spent 5 years beside her and only now I noticed her true colors. Only now I realized how good of an actor she really was. Or maybe that was the evil side of my mind, tricking me into believing in those things, when in reality nothing actually changed. Maybe he wanted me to hate her, constantly push her away...  
I froze in a moment of silence with that thought in my head, staring blankly at the ceiling.  
Soon enough the nurse was back, ready to change my bandages after a long surgery I've undergone. I was still curious to know how long I was knocked out, how long it took them to take that branch out of my body. I decided to keep the tongue behind my teeth for now, not until the surgeon would show up.  
Isabelle excused herself from the room, leaving me alone with the nurse. I didn't try to stop her to ask what was wrong, either. I just hoped she was somewhat alright, even though I doubted that thought...  
It pained me to see her like this and I knew if I didn't remember everything at that moment, our relationship would've suffered. Badly. Not because I hated her nor anything of those sorts. It would've put a lot of pressure on me and my mental state. Dealing with memory loss is hard enough on its own, but when you're being tortured by some creature in your mind almost constantly- that's another level of difficulty to deal with.  
\- Let's see how your wound is doing.- Nurse's voice interrupted my thoughts immediately. I snapped back into reality, catching her silhouette with my gaze, following her movements as she neared one of the tables and took a tray with all the medical utensils lying on top of it. She walked around and put everything on a small table near my bed.- How's your throat now?- She asked as soon as her eyes met mine.  
\- Still slightly burning, but not as much.- I answered simply and felt her grab the sheet that was covering my body, dragging it lower to reveal my stomach. She took my hospital garment without any warnings and moved it upwards, gaining her way to my bandages. As soon as my eyes lied down on them, I noticed quite a big stain of blood. I let my head fall back onto the pillow, trying not to look at my own wound. I knew it wouldn't look pleasing, so why did I even bother staring at it in the first place.  
Warm fingers tickled my skin as she carefully took the plaster off that was keeping the gauze in place. Thankfully, the blood didn't make the gauze stick to my cut or it would've taken additional work and pain to separate it.  
\- Well, it doesn't look bad, but...- She trailed off and placed the used gauze on the tray, taking a piece of wadding and soaking it in peroxide.- But...- She repeated herself and wiped some of the blood around the stitches off. I could already feel the slight pain stabbing at the wound.- Huh, that's interesting...- Her eyebrows quickly furrowed when her eyes noticed something.  
What was it?  
Curious me decided to look down at the result of the surgery. The wound wasn't huge as I thought it would be. 5 small stitches were keeping it closed. The skin around it was slightly bruised, of a purple-ish color- quite normal considering what was buried inside me. What left me slightly concerned were little black veins branching out from the wound. Their color didn't look normal, they were too dark, almost black.  
\- I've seen a few wounds after surgery with slightly more visible veins around them, but not to this point...- She explained herself seriously and her eyes quickly jumped at me.- It doesn't hurt a lot now, does it?- The nurse threw the question towards me.  
\- It's bearable.- I answered and gulped, feeling the nervousness slowly grip its hand around my throat. This didn't look promising.- Does it look that serious?  
My question made her quiet for a moment as her eyes moved back at my wound. I felt her wipe some more of the blood off my skin and another unpleasant sensation started stabbing at my cut.  
\- It's just unusual... And the amount of blood that is still leaking from your wound... Let's just hope it didn't get infected.- She sighed and took the bottle of peroxide.- This might hurt, but be patient, I need to clean it well.- The nurse warned me and let the medicine run down onto my wound, catching it with wadding quickly. The pain came back with a sharp pang and I had to clench my jaw, otherwise random whines and ouch'es would erupt from my lips. It wasn't pleasant, at all. I wanted to tell her to stop, but it was better if she cleaned it and lessened the chance of a serious infection.  
She stopped as soon as she noticed how tense I was.  
\- How much does it hurt?- She quickly asked, worry dancing on her face.  
\- A lot.- I choked through clenched teeth. I never knew it would cause so much pain. From my own experience I knew peroxide left a sting on the wounds, but not to this point. The single drop of it left me almost screaming.  
\- Alright, deep breaths, Jack, I'm almost done.- As soon as she finished her sentence I felt more of it run down my cut, causing another wave of pain that started stabbing at my skin.  
I hated when they did it- didn't let you catch your breath, didn't give you a longer break- continuing to torture you to finish their job quicker. Maybe actions as such had their advantage- the pain didn't last for long.  
Who was I kidding? The pain was only getting worse, to the point where I lost my patience.  
\- Is it supposed to hurt this much?- I breathed out, clenching the sheets for dear god, trying not to scream. I felt her as she wiped all the excess off my wound and went silent for a longer moment.  
\- The veins around your wound... They became more visible...- Her voice slightly trembled as she raised her head to look at me.- Something like this is definitely not normal. I'll patch you up for now, but the doctor will have to examine you and your wound, probably make a few tests.- She spoke out, worry clear in her voice.  
I already had predictions, the reasoning behind those black veins around my wound. That demonic creature in my dream. He didn't simply strike my stomach to scare me or wake me up. He left a mark on me. Whatever-hell-that was, it was his job. His way of showing that he wasn't messing around, that his intentions were real.  
What if those veins kept spreading, engulfing my whole being, making me look like an abomination, a walking accident? What would the doctors say after all the tests? That my condition is something that can't be explained by science? Close me in a laboratory like some animal and start making tests on me?  
I wanted to leave the hospital so badly, just so I could find a place to drown myself in peace and quiet. But how would I manage to keep myself at peace when the demons were literally screaming in my head?


	5. He's standing right behind you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back and continuing to write this story. Sorry for such a long break to anyone who got interested in my work. I had a lot of things to take care of: finishing my studies, graduating from university, finding a job, etc etc etc... But here I am again and ready to submerge myself into the darkness of this fic. Hope you enjoy reading!! :)

The skin was purple, as if someone landed a hard punch on my stomach and then sliced the bruise with a knife afterwards. Small veins like branches of trees were spread across my abdomen, their hands threateningly black, making me more and more anxious about it. I stood before the mirror with only my boxers on, staring at the cut which was sewn together with a few small black stitches. I didn't want to touch it with my dirty fingers, even though my hands were itching to do so. The injury just looked too unusual to be real, too weird to be caused by a  _simple_  car crash. Those veins looked too dark, almost as if they were tattooed on my skin.

I knew perfectly whose job it was, but held my tongue tight behind my teeth all the time, because there was no use to try and explain to them what was actually happening to me. Do you think they would believe me? That I was possessed? Walking with two shadows behind me, one- of my own and the other- of  _him_? Do you think they wouldn't start questioning my sanity after that accident or worse, throw me into a psychiatry clinic? I didn't want to waste more time under their cold gloved hands, I didn't want to go through more tests.... Because the days spent at the hospital became literal torture- that's the best way I could describe them to you now without sounding over-dramatic.

After the night they found out about my unusual condition, they wouldn't stop putting me through various useless tests, as if they were to find something wrong with my body, determine that I had some sort of a rare disease sitting in me. Nothing really was wrong with me physically.... Mentally, on the other hand, I was slowly becoming insane. And more not because I was kept enclosed in the hospital or not even because of  _him_. Even though his hunt didn't stop right there. He continued showing up in my nightmares and trying to scare me or hurt me in the worst ways possible. It was more of how I felt...

Like I wasn't myself, like I lost all the happiness in my life all of the sudden, left to sit with a huge grey hole in my chest.

I don't remember the last time I genuinely smiled or laughed, I don't remember the last time I didn't feel worried or utterly depressed. It was probably way before that gathering of Isabel's family.

 _Isabel's family_...

I furrowed my eyebrows, my view now all blurred out as my gaze unfocused itself, frozen on one point before me. I remembered that night... I remembered everything that happened during it. I remembered how beautiful she looked...

I almost jumped and screamed from happiness when sudden tears flooded my eyes as my throat tightened from excitement. I finally remembered who she was, I finally remembered the reason why it all happened to me... and then my face sunk when the image of  _him_  flashed in my mind.

The same black holes sitting in his face, staring straight into mine, shark smile, cold presence...

I felt the goosebumps slide down my shoulders out of nowhere forcing the hairs to stand up immediately. My whole body shivered slightly and I focused my gaze back on the mirror when with my peripheral vision I saw something move in front of me. I jumped and almost gasped out of shock when I noticed him standing behind me, like a shadow just looming over to my right. I looked over my shoulder, trying to collect all the courage I had to face him and he was gone, leaving me to stand on my own.

Maybe he could read my mind...? Knew everything: from my biggest weaknesses to the biggest desires?

I breathed out through my mouth slowly, still feeling the slight tingling sensation in my stomach after I got scared. My heart was still hammering hard in my chest, making my breaths short and uneven. I didn't want to fall into another hole of paranoia and direct myself onto the road filled with needles. I didn't want to scare myself even more than I already was... All of it just felt too unreal, too bizarre, as if I was stuck in an endless dream never to wake up, never to experience the reality of life.

I still kept fighting with my true beliefs, denying any signs of paranormal. I simply didn't want to believe in it, even though he was right there with me, coming back over and over again either in my dreams or during daylight. I wanted to think that I was just hallucinating, that somehow my brain got slightly damaged during the car crash, yet all the tests that I've undergone came back positive. No signs of mental illnesses- I was as healthy as a month ago, even though I could barely feel the same. The injury wasn't even the thing that was weighting me down. After a few nights I was finally able to stand up and walk without anyone's help. It was my paranoid mind mostly. You know how it is when you watch a really scary movie at night alone at your house and you start imagining things? You know that feeling deep in your gut when you turn around towards the wall and try to fall asleep, but you still think someone's standing behind you, watching you? You know that sensation when with the corner of your eye you notice something move even though you're alone in your room? That's how I felt all the time. And I didn't even know how my heart was still withstanding all the pressure from beating rapidly all the time. I didn't know how I still didn't lose my goddamn mind and gone completely insane.

I licked my lips nervously, gulping down any residues of saliva that were left in my mouth as my throat went completely dry from all the nervousness.

I was glad that Isabelle kept visiting me daily, trying to take care of me and be supportive of me as much as possible. Even though I could still see the pain plastered all over her face as she watched me eat or any time she was around me really... And that pain wouldn't go away no matter how hard I tried to lighten up the mood. She just knew that I wasn't doing well and maybe she noticed the radical change in me... Because she didn't see the same energetic and loud man before her as she used to... She didn't see the same smile, didn't hear the same lame jokes getting thrown around, or my genuine laugh... I felt like I was dragging her down with my own negativity, influencing her moods greatly and I felt truly guilty of it, because I barely could change anything at that right moment. And I didn't want to fake any of it either, I didn't want to pretend that I was happy. I simply had no energy for it.

However, day after a long day, small snippets of my memories started coming back to me. Sometimes I would remember sunny days spent with her, her loud laugh when I jumped around her like a fool, her soft kisses and all the hugs. Sometimes small parts of the nights spent together would flash in my mind. The warmth of her embrace, her calm breathing, her soft locks which I felt between my fingers... Now I remembered that one night right before the family gathering. I was as nervous as ever, strolling back and forth across our bedroom until she stopped me mid-walk and wrapped her tiny arms around my waist. I looked down at her and noticed her warm smile. She told me that everything was to be alright, that there was nothing to be overly worried about, that her family was always welcoming and I wouldn't get judged in any bit. Now I doubted her words were true, even though she just tried to calm me down, she just tried to help me.

At that right moment as I stood in her embrace, I felt calm. And I truly missed that feeling of pure content... Of pure love and happiness I felt for her.

My gaze fell back onto my own reflection as I started eyeing my face. The man standing in the mirror was barely recognizable to me. My green fringe was messy, slightly falling over my blood shot eyes. Bright blue bags were dancing underneath them, making me look even more tired. The corners of my pale lips were turned downwards, the stare dead and emotionless. No wonder Isabelle didn't feel any sort of excitement around me. I was a perfect walking portrait of a ruined man.

I sighed quietly and straightened my back, feeling the same tension increase on my abdomen and I was almost sure that the stitches would tear apart again as it happened one night when I stretched too hard. The nurses rushed to my ward right away, alarmed by my loud screams of agony. Thankfully I didn't rip my skin too much with it but still ended up with an open wound.

Once again my hands started itching to touch the cut, but instead I grabbed the same gauze that I ripped off a few moments ago and glued it back on, to not cause any suspicion from the nurses, since they were changing my bandages daily. I threw the hospital gown over my head and tied the knot behind my back. I wanted to dress in my normal clothes so badly, finally feel like a human again and not a walking experiment. Even though I barely had any desire to shower or brush my teeth and sometimes was literally forced by the nurses to go and clean myself up.

I just hoped they would release me from this hell soon. I could easily demand it, force them to do it through money. But would I feel any better if I returned back home? Would I bring myself to record videos again, interact with my community the same way I did before?

Would've you noticed it? If I tried faking it all, acting all energetic just for the video?

I would honestly hate myself for it, for pretending to be someone I wasn't anymore. I didn't even know how I would explain myself to all the people watching. The most logical thing there was left to say is that I got into a car crash, but got out alive, yet... There was more to it, the situation much  _darker_  than that.

Would've you really believed me if I honestly told you I was possessed?

I didn't want to cause any chaos in the community, even though the chaos was probably already unrolling, since I didn't upload any videos, nor was active on any social medias in the last few days. I didn't even have a phone with me to check, to write a short message and inform everyone that there's nothing to worry of.

I would've been still lying if I wrote that...

I didn't want to submerge myself into those thoughts too much and beat myself up all the time, even though the same feeling kept continuously gnawing at my emotions. The feeling of pure guilt.

A loud knock on the door quickly withdrew me from my thoughts as I jumped again, feeling the goosebumps run down my back as the same tingling sensation settled in my stomach right after. 

\- Jack, you've been sitting there whole hour already, you alright?- Isabel's soft voice rung out from behind the door, slightly muffled by it.

I breathed out slowly through my mouth and walked closer to the door, grabbing the handle to open it. However, I wasn't quick enough when Isabel ended up opening it for me. She jumped slightly when I stopped face to face with her, but soon moved to the side, scared of any tension that could arise between us. She probably still wasn't sure of my feelings towards her, since I lost all my memories and couldn't remember her. I couldn't blame her, she tried her best to keep the distance from me, even though a small part of me was craving otherwise.

\- Just got curious of all the veins around my wound and why they're so black.- I quickly explained myself and moved past her to lie back down on my bed.- I also remembered more things. That night we had right before your family gathering? I was so fucking nervous.- My gaze lied down on her for a moment as she still stood next to the bathroom door and then jumped back up at the ceiling.- You were telling me not to worry, even though I was scared as all hell... I still don't know why I was feeling this way.- I furrowed my eyebrows slightly as my voice got quieter. I heard her footsteps and felt her sit down next to my side.- Maybe because a part of me knew that something bad would happen that night...?- I whispered more to myself than to her.

Isabel kept herself quiet as her warm hands found mine, caressing it with a soft touch.

\- What if I told you something crazy?- The sudden question left my lips as my eyes trailed back at her face. She only furrowed her eyebrows slightly when she met my gaze.- What if I told you that there's more behind what happened to me and why it actually happened?- I threw out more questions, not even thinking of the consequences that would follow afterwards.

The good old dumb me...

I was scared of being judged, laughed at, mocked, but at the same time, I wanted to tell her everything I felt. Open up with her more. Because all this time I was partially faking everything, acting as if there was nothing wrong with me besides the obvious injury. And she probably knew that I wasn't completely genuine with her, yet she didn't want to push on me too harshly, either...

\- What is it?- She asked in the same quiet tone, looking back at me with worry painting her young features.

\- I don't know how to logically describe everything to you, but I keep having these hallucinations every day... I keep seeing this dark shadow of a human form, almost like a man, but with more demonic features. And it genuinely scares me, Isabel... You might think now that I've lost my goddamn mind. Hell, I think so too, but... I would be lying to you now if I told you that I am okay, that I'm fine and there's nothing wrong with me. Because it's the complete opposite. I might be possessed, I might have a  _demon_  sitting inside me, appearing in my mind all the time, following me everywhere, turning my dreams into pure nightmares...- I went silent for a moment when with the corner of my eye I noticed a dark silhouette appear at the foot of my bed.

It was  _him_  once again. Just standing there silently before me.

His whole body was surrounded by the black aura, which danced around him nervously. His face expression was blank, the same dark eye sockets boring holes in my face. His lips were in a straight thin line. Unusual for him, since he was always grinning wide once he appeared before me.

I still couldn't understand what he was, why he chose to look like my friend out of all the people and why he decided to overtake my body... Was there even a point of giving him gender, making him look human, when he clearly wasn't?

I was left staring at him and it probably started worrying Isabel, because she was the one who couldn't see him. No one could, besides me...

\- Jack, what do you see?- I heard her ask, the same worry was clear in her voice.

\- It's him...- I whispered quietly, my eyes still embedded on that dark shadow.- He's standing right behind you...


End file.
